...Hypocrite

Turn around and slap my cheek

Seem so tough but oh so weak

You tell me I’m not good enough

Someone that doesn’t deserve your love

Sit right down and talk to me

Give reasons why we cant be

Look right into my plain eyes

As I fight through all your lies

Contemplate what your to do

Thinking how you get through

Your wasted days and pondering

Why you dared push me into the rain

Lets pretend that this never happened

Whatever mistakes we made while campin’

Would I still be such a pity friend?

Would I still be left in the wind?

Is it yes that your about to say

So you had to wait until today

To confront me about the honest truth

While your sitting there being a hypocrite?

Here I stand in a broken pile

Willing to walk a thousand miles

Yet apparently I wasnt worth it

I had my chance and I missed it

Come on and beat me senseless

Tell me why our friendship didn’t last

Friends used to last forever

Destined to always stick together

Do you honestly have no couth?

Here I happened to tell the truth.

And you disowned me from your life

Cause I stepped in front of your knife?

Telling people that I spread rumors

When your doing all the dirty deeds

Filling peoples minds with fake love

Making you look like a golden dove.

Truth is you lie, and your not strong

You make it seem like you aren’t wrong

Having people take your side

When they don’t know who is right.

You really cant take blows to the head

Strength of yours is often misread

Came to me with tons of problems

Asked me to help you solve them.

I did my best and you turned me down

Here I bleed upon the ground

Waiting, watching, hearing, knowing

That inside your head I’m growing

So lets pretend that I don’t exist

Since I know that I wont be missed

I get treated badly by everyone

I hope you cough up a lung.

What Fox has to say about the poem..

   Its amazing how people treat one another day after day. I wrote this about an Ex-Friend, a guy that was always around to help me and I was there to help him. But he took advantage of that then tossed me out the door like the type of person that puts a box of kittens on the side of the highway. Its retarded and I honestly cannot say anything else other then that. I have to say, I do doubt my friends and sure we have our differences but I wouldnt ever disown anyone over soemthing so small like what happened to me and him..

I was angry and surely you would be too if he did the exact thing he did to me, to you. All of us are no different though, mistreating everyone we dont believe are cool, or nice, or just normal. Everyone has their own problems, and he has plenty. This poem spoke from my heart, though I tried .. AND HE FAILED.

SNOW!!



SNOWWWWW!!!!!!

Did you know that Im a writer? Heh, I wrote this poem!!

All by mahself!

Snow.
Its white crystal shimmer,
and its cold winter whisper.
The delicate touch of white,
and its flash of warm light.

Snow.
It’s as soft as a rabbit,
and its a December habit.
The icicles clear and new,
and friends throwing snowballs at you.

Snow.
It seems Jack Frost came here,
and people spreading Christmas cheer.
The Christmas lights hung and bright,
And snowflakes falling, what a sight.

Snow.
Its beauty on the mountaintops,
And decorations in all the shops.
Santa walking and greeting kids,
And parents buying Christmas gifts.

Snow.
Its sound so quiet and imaginary,
And the winter chill so ordinary.
The white beauty elusively divine,
And oh, will you be mine?

What Fox Has To Say About The Poem::

Sometimes, I wonder if people really write like I do. Talking about snow, and life and many different things. But not only that I know I force rhymes here and there. But who doesnt, and in reality, snow is beautiful. Though it does get annoying pretty fast, with the ice and slipping, not only that but with it below freezing. Alaska, it wont ever change. So I decided to write a poem about snow since its coming alot faster now that its further in December. Towards the end, you've noticed that I wrote will you be mine? Well that was towards someone that I like and though they may never see this or the poem that I wrote and printed out, Its a small question that I have asked him mentally many times. Though, It shall never work...

A Strange Dream..

Sometimes, I have the strangest dreams. Between raging river rafting, to being swalllowed by a lion and soon flying with the stars. But sometimes, I dream of the future, the native that I am is in fact the Dreamer. I am of my mothers native heritage, and I am indeed a see-er. Often at times, I get scared at what I see, not quite knowing if it will happen or not, and most of the time what I dream somewhat happens in its own naturistic way. Take last night for instance, I had a dream that me, my mother and a good friend were going on a trip for a few days just to get out of town. And during the time that we were gone, everyone had rearanged. The cliques were different, people hated certain people and sometimes got hurt. In the process of dreaming, my mother said that I was crying and yelling 'We have to go back!' over and over again. Scary right? Well while we were gone, in my dream of course, we were traveling and seeing new beauties. The Roman artifacts, the egyptian book of the dead and of the living. We went everywhere, but thats not what shocked me. It was when we got back from our trip that something happened, that really happened as well. Like a glimpse of the future. Though people might call, 'De Ja Vu' and think that it was just a thing everyone does. Just dream a dream that actually happened. When we got back from the trip, I realized that I got a really bad vibe when going home. Knowing, no one will be at the house, and the door would be locked.


             It happened. But of course, I climbed through the window to get in, when in my dream I violently kicked the door down and yelled Honey Im home. I have odd occurances, sometimes they are just little things, like placing an object somewhere or saying something I must've said before but really didnt, and often what happens during the day. So when people hear me say 'woah, I swear that just happened already.. ' and my friends chuckle and say 'De ja vu' Mariah. And I just laugh. Ever watched Singing In The Rain? You should, only because its awesome and almost every song in that movie is in my dreams. Its fun to see what you are going to do, who your going to see, and what your saying in a dream before it happens. Sort of a replay, like your supposed to change something, and thats why you noticed dejavu. There are alot of theorys of dreaming the future, dejavu, and just being psyhic. Though, when you know, you know. Haha!

Weeping Willow

Why do you weep my dear Willow?
Although your branches stretch so high,
And your leaves tangle towards the sky.
I often stop to ponder why,
Your intentions refuse to show?

Why do you weep lovely Willow?
Dont lie; I feel it in your bark.
decades of sorrow left their mark,
Suggesting tortures beyond dark,
Leaving scars wide for time to sew.

Why do you we3ep my friend Willow?
As a lonely alcoholic,
Do you think of life too nostalgic.
Is nothing to you harmonic?
Or is it your strength in roots below?

Why do you weep darling Willow?
Remember this promise I send,
Until the day your weeping ends,
I will cry with you, my dear friend.
Perched atop you, a friend unknown.


What Fox has to say:

 Again this poem is about my mother, and how she lived in the past. Describing all the past beatings shes endured and all the pain that she can feel. A weeping willow always just seems to fit my mother, you can tell by her long dark black and white hair, soft as a Willows leaves and she stands aged, you can tell by the look on her face that she crys nonstop about anything and everything. She once told me that all her scars were never sewn in time, she was never healed and nothing made her life better. Except me. The one who always checks and makes sure shes okay, and the one who watches her with out her knowing. Making sure shes always okay, and making a note of how she feels everyday. This poem talks alot about her past and her pain, and Im glad I captured that in this poem.

Take Me Home

Take me home to where the wolf awaits,
The lone figure in the dark night.
Waiting for me to lay my head
Protecting me in the shadow's light.

Take me away no I've paid my debts,
Away from this place tucked into the woods.
I want to stand beside the great wolf
And lay my weary head to rest.

I want to sleep the sleep of the child
Next to the wolf of the sea.
I want to be the shadow of trees
To hide the great wolf of the sea.

Take me home to where the wolf awaits
With a lunar howl and a stellar bite.
Chasing away bad memories,
So I never have to sleep in fright.
Because I want to sleep the sleep of that child
Shadowed by the great wolf of the sea.




What Fox Has to Say about her poem:

    I wrote that in a stray moment of time when my mother seemed like my guardian. A wolf that protects me from anything that brings fear. My mother is in fact that wolf, the one who watches over my existance so I may sleep as peaceful as can be. She does have a bad side though, in fact I talked about that in the poem, Her stellar bite. I talk about how I have done what she wanted me to do, 'paid my debts' and in logic, I worked my way to being hidden in her shadow.. Yet still watching her as well. To be able to sleep comfortably knowing that my mother is always going to be there for me. My moms a Cancer, its her sign. So I called her the Wolf Of The Sea... :D

My Own Little Kit

How would You, Thats right, YOU, Like to have a pet fox?

I know I would.



Lately I have been getting the urge to get an animal. Not of any sort, but one that would live a halfway decent life with me, where ever I go. And I have found that animal. Recently I have came across this site called Redmon Fox and have noticed that they breed and sell fox. Of two different kinds too, both Calico Fox, and Red Fox (Vulpes Vulpes). Me of course, being the simple girl I am, loves the normality and the simplicity of the Red Fox. This site told me that they will breed these foxes and sell the kits for only $600. But the only problem is getting them, you see, they live in Ohio. Which is quite a bit aways from where I live, Alaska, and in order for me to actually buy one, and bring it home with me, is in fact that. I have to fly down there, buy one, and fly back with my new kit fox! To me that sounds fairly easy, I could buy a round trip ticket from here to there, with both the money for the fox, the shots, and the carrier and get it all done in the time that I get there, and without a doubt bring my kit fox home with me. I must get my kit fox within 4-6 weeks old so that I may bond with it, and the time that I do that will build my relationship with my new friend. Fox are a social animal, but again still have its fears and doubts. If I am to do this, which I do plan on so, I will be able to be there in time after they are born and bring one back before my birthday. They will be born sometime in April, which will give me enough time to work my hardest to get one and bring one home. This man is legit, who ever owns the farm which is in fact, two brothers.

     Now, the problem with bringing my pet fox, back home with me, it must have its shots, be microchipped, and of course, be healthy. I had to read all about how to raise, and take care of the fox as well. Not only that but the fact that I had to look up the state laws of whether I could or not, own a fox. I can, but, it must have everything it needs, and then Im in the green. It seems easy, and I plan on taking my pet everywhere with me, no matter what people say. Yes, this site is legit, and they are doing all they can to make sure the foxes are going to a good home, so the first thing they are going to do when you ask about adopting, is talking you out of it. I have been emailing one of the brothers and have been asking a lot of questions, and thankfully I get answers rather quick. They have the license to breed and sell these fox, so its not exactly an issue with the law. No, You dont need to have a license to own one, you just have to make sure your ready for the responciblity. People say Im nuts for actually doing it, for doing all I can just to get a fox. And I know its not something that you hear everyday, "Oy, Im gunna adopt a fox!" But what I do know is that I am doing this for myself, I am doing this so I may learn a little bit more about responciblity and loving an animal for its beauty and care. The way a mother nurses a child, this fox will be My baby and I will take care of it with every fiber of me.

        Of course, This is going to make me grow up a bit more. I will be getting a job and I plan on working my buttocks off so I could do this. I already have 500 dollars saved up so I only need only a few more bucks. Im doing good on this, and I am putting all the time I can, WHILE getting work done. I believe in myself, wanna help me? :D

Take A Good Look

Take a good look around

What do you truly see

Between the drugs, the alcohol

and prostitution on the street

Men of all ages

thieving and playing music

Wanna-be rockstars, criminals

and men wearing tunics

When you walk past

What expressions go by

Stress, fear, anger

and those who want to cry

Women standing on corners

Some right outside your house

Getting raped and murdered

While your sitting on your couch

Does it satisfy you

The vision of this earth

Does this call for a re-start

or an easy re-birth

Because what I see

I don’t like at all

I once saw this earth rise

Now it seems to fall

Into its decrepit hell

Filled with death and despair

What you see now honey

I know is making you scared

But remember just one thing

Perhaps when it all comes to an end

You’ll be stronger then

So you can be the one who stands

Mother..

I walk around carrying the weight of the world
Demolished while you walk unharmed
You continue on your way with no demise
Not touched by the mere weakness of the heart
But covered in a shield of strength.

I walk around holding your heads high
While your but precious dolls in my calloused hands
Unwilling to live your life the way you wish
But to act like puppets in others fingertips
Weak to the touch.

I walk around listening to every word
The threats and the cries for help
Stressing while you sit there expressionless
Unable to break things down but to rush on through
Limited on sleep and relaxation

I walk around holding everyones cards
Unable to deal with what they’ve been delt
They leave it on me, count on me
Evaporating with every single breath I take
Breathing in your dispair.

I walk around carrying your hearts
While you walk around without one care
Seeing nothing but the faceless people
Soon it will be widely known and you will see
That you can make it on your own.

And in the end of your story
Others can take a look at what you’ve learned
And surely I wont have to carry the weight of the world
It will be someone elses job, and much like me,
Will you really feel strong.


What Fox Has to say about this poem:

   This poem was built off of the life of my mother, less explanation but more of a tale. I described most of what my mother can do in one day or more, but some things I left out. They are obvious of course, because indeed you do have a mother, and surely you'd know what Im talking about. But the strength of a mother, the ability to keep her head high as well as her childrens and friends. The weight that they feel and what they deal with every single hour/minute/second. Even throughout all the rain, or when nothing is left in the world, they will know that they have taught the strength of a woman that gave birth to something beautiful. :)

Back In My Day

Back in my younger days, when everything was all right and I didn’t have one care in the world. We lived in Arizona at the time, so we didn’t need a car, my mom rode a bike everywhere with a little baby seat behind her so I could go everywhere with her. One day we went to the store, I cannot recall the name of it since I was still just a wee little one. We were shopping for some food and whatnot, when she put me on the counter and my eyes were drawn to the colorful delicious candy that was right there in front of my face. Stretching out my hands I said, “Mama, I want candy” and you know what happens when you ask for candy, you get a big fat no. So when I asked again she told me no, when I heard that I screamed, “CANDY!!!” Everyone in the line behind us were smiling and laughing, of course everyone knew it was I. I was famous in Arizona, but at that very moment my mom said no, I slapped her across the face. You could hear gasps here and there and the cashier had this shocked look on her face then she started laughing, and with a smirk of my mama’s lips she slapped me back and shouted “No Mariah!” I didn’t cry, I just sat there with a pissed off look on my face and my tiny little arms crossed. Everyone laughed in the store, and after a while my mom smiled at me and made me laugh as well. My mom told me this story and tells it to my friends every time I come home with friends and Im all sugar high. She laughs and tells the story; the story was always my favorite because I was so stubborn. She wasn’t embarrassed by me either because it was just a time in my life where I just about got anything I ever wanted and more. My mother has plenty of memories to share with me and sometimes she does when we hang out and I recall memories that make her smile and hug me. Sometimes when we are shopping I ask her for candy and she says no then punches me in the arm and we both laugh but I grab the candy anyways. I love my mom, and she loves me. It’s the little memories that make us smile, and this story will be told to my kids, If I dare to have any. Haha.

My Body Image

Lately I’ve been thinking of what to do about my weight. I weigh 160 pounds and I am only 5’9”, which some say my weight is good for my height. I just don’t believe that I’m skinny. I have negative body image, which is a distorted perception of my shape, and I am convinced that only other people are attractive and that my body size or shape is a sign of complete failure. Yes, I do feel ashamed and self-conscious of my body. I am ‘okay’, but id really like to lose some weight to fit other people’s standards. I guess you can say that I feel uncomfortable and awkward in my body. Sometimes if I feel fat enough, I don’t eat anything, my appetite changes a lot and my stomach shrinks so I don’t have to eat as much. I figured out that people with a negative body image have a greater likelihood of developing an eating disorder, and I probably apply for that too. I do suffer from feelings of depression, isolation (only sometimes), and low self-esteem. 

People say all I need to do is eat healthy or exercise but, the eating part is something I am failing at. Sometimes when I am having a good day I have a positive body image. I feel proud and I accepted the fact that I can’t be perfect for anybody but myself. But I barely eat anymore, and exercise is hard to do alone. Its like telling someone to figure it out on their own. My body image is forever changing, just like everyone else’s. It is sensitive to our mood swings, physical environment, and our experiences. I’d much rather just take diet pills or something fast and easy. Friends tell me that they aren’t healthy for your body system and others warn me and tell me just not to take them or look for them. My mom tells me I am gaining a little bit too much weight, and so I refrain from eating too many meals a day or not at all. Sometimes if I say I’m not hungry she asks me if I am taking diet pills and acts all worried. Sometimes I say “I Wish” And she freaks out on me and tells me not to think that way. 

But to be honest, diet pills seem faster. I mean look at all those commercials; every woman that takes them looks great after like 3 weeks! So they deceive me and make me feel ugly, fat, and uncomfortable. I think I just need to have a body trainer live with me and keep an eye on what I do and what I eat so I can get in shape. Or I can just go to TNA (Workout center) or the rec-center to work out 3 times a week. Only Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. Sounds easy right? But motivation is what I lack right now, no self-confidence what so ever. NO help from anyone either, just comments that make me sigh and say “Well that sure makes me feel good…” My guy friends tell me I’m hot when I complain about my weight or tell me that I’m fine, but I ignore their comments because I believe I could look way better then I already do. Every time I look in the mirror, I suck in my gut and turn to the side and I look great, but when I let it out, its like BAM! Fatty McFat Fat. People say that mirrors don’t lie but women’s perceptions of their bodies fluctuate dramatically, But I’m okay. Just a bit chubby, and I’m sure I could change. I just need to be a little more confident in myself because I know no ones going to do it for me. I need to believe in myself, and sooner or later I will feel comfortable in my body, and soon love what I look like!

Have a body Image problem? Only for now…

Regret

Miles and miles of it,
Trails throughout my life.
Echoing my footsteps,
A reminder of places I've yet gone.
The love I have not yet felt,
Words that I haven't spoken.
Past actions that taunt my heart,
And memories I'd never forget.
It taunts me, this word,
Say it aloud, Regret.
Explanations I have yet to do,
Easier to be said, then done.

What Fox Has to Say: 

I wrote this poem mainly because I have been doing alot of thinking about my actions. The things I've done and the stuff  I have yet to do. Amazing what thoughts can produce when you think of the word regret. You imagine everything you've said or done that disappointed you or someone else so badly that you wished you could have taken it back. Something you've done that stays right there in your mind and never leaves you alone until you feel the pain, the wrath of the others around you. People tend to say they regret doing things, but dont know why. Because somehow they know that they did it because they wanted to, with no intention of hurting anyone or hurting themselves. When it all comes down to it, regret is just something that stays there hidden or seen, I regret alot of things and somehow, knowing that I regret them, makes me stop regretting. If that makes any sense.

Dear Diary...

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

There's always a point in your life where you have uncontrolable questions. Questions in which cannot be answered. You spend a long period of time searching for those answers when in all the answer is in you. Those questions are unanswerable until put in the hands of those who ask it. I've found it to be more difficult in life when all you do is smile fake. The fake smiles put there to reasure everyone else you're fine. Making it so they dont have questions such as, "did I make her like this?" "what did I say?" Why must life find ways to bring down the weak? I'm weak, but then again so are you. People tend to call themselves hard. Hard? No. You seem to be as hard as a kitten in a rainstorm. There's always gonna be a weak spot. You're weak. Face the facts. I hit myself hard in the face a while back. Asking questions isn't always the best for some of us. "Can I sit and listen?" "Sure, go ahead!" BAM! Right in the face. I've seen the light. That was the start to a new begining. A new friendship. A new source of brokeness. Goodbye. Life seems to repeat itself. I dont know, we've done it all before. There's been wars and afairs and death and despair. We've cried and laughed day after day. We're dull and predictable. Kids are born and the elderly die. Yet, the unpredictable happens. And sometimes we feel like we can't make it on our own, so we look for help. More questions. You need to realize the truth in life. We live on our own inside. Because every mistake comes with a benefit; mistakes we made due to choices of our own. Solemn. I'm not deep, but then again, neither are you. You just think. Think a little bit harder. Get to the center of your most inner thoughts, and see it's nothing but a joke. We think and think so we can come up with words to describe our emotion, but our emotions can only be described with the motion of our body. Give up. You cant dream a thought or think a dream. Dreams come from what we feel, but can't see. Why do you think dreams are so out of place? You can day dream with thoughts, but what thought would be realistic? Your day dreams only meet your desires. Shut up. You cant speak without motion. Talk with your hands if you wanna be so specific. Stop studering you fool. There's no reason why you can't speak what you're thinking. If you know what it is, speak it don't splurr it. Dream it don't think it. Feel it, don't say it. I speak my mind so why don't you? Just breathe. Exhale and forget. Gurdges only make you weaker. Remembering every horrible thing done to you can hold you back. Sit in a dark room with your eyes wide open. Things will be alot clearer. Those voices in your head telling you to shut your eyes, they make you weak. Don't fear the nature. Fear your mind, it can decieve. Dear Diary, I'm afraid, but then again ...so are you.

　
　

Next Color...

Throughout the time that I have become a teen, Ive dyed my hair several colors. I started with blue streaks, then went to the extremes. Between half blue, half black to all these other colors such as red, purple, green, pink, orange, yellow, turqoise, and many others. It all seems new to me to start doing more then just one color. I started doing two tones a few months ago doing a dark dark green and orange around the eyes so that it went with my mad hatter costume, to a light green, yellow, and orange. With black underneath of course, I have yet to dye all my hair one color or even two or three. Im taking my time, and making sure my hair stays healthy. With the help of my personally hair dresser, whom might I add worked with Paul Mitchell and Vidal Sassoon doing hair in front of thousands of people and being really good at it. I know her personally and honey, that woman is my mama. Her name is Deanica Deanda and man is she good at hair!! Of course being the teenager I am, I test her and show her pictures of any hair style that I want and she does it! I make sure that she does it right even though I am no good at cutting, razoring, or styling hair except my own. She helps me dye my hair and sometimes does my make up. I love my mom, of course I do dress myself and do everything on my own, though sometimes I need my mothers help. Lately my hair has been fading to swampy colors and soon after I grow out my hair, making it stronger and healthier, Im going to have to dye my hair again. Because frankly, normal isnt in my vocabulary or in my appearance. I have a few colors to choose from that I already have which are; Midnight Blue, Purple, Yellow, Green, Orange, and I believe a nice Ruby Red. Of course I want to two tone half my head and yet I dont know what colors to choose from. I could do Orange and Yellow, or Blue and purple, or Yellow and Green. But I cannot choose any color that I have. I have the option to buy other colors but I might as well use up the colors I already bought. Well technically my mother bought them for me cause she is spectacular.. (sometimes. You know how mama's are..) But what on earth should I choose? I could by the hot pink they have at this store here called Jacks Alley, Of course my mom would rather order from a professional hair color place such as Manic Panic or this other one that I cannot remember but makes my hair smell really good when dying it. It just gets so hard to want to dye my hair that sometimes I get the urge to just let my hair just grow. But only to the extent to where my hair is healthy enough to bleach and redye a different color. Such big choices for one small little thing, complicated huh? Well, it gets easy after a while. Like they say about piercings and tattoos, Once you get yourself tatted or pierced once, you'll do it again and again. The same goes for hair dying and I do plan on getting my snakebites, hips, bridge and my septum re-pierced sometime soon. Taking one step at a time though, my mom worrys when I get too much done in one time. She feels rushed, but I bet she'd rather have me as a daughter then have two of me running around. I was supposed to have a twin brother but he didnt survive considering I was a tubal pregnancy and a miracle baby that killed my mom 3 times before I was officially born. Ha ha.. Man does she complain about that often.... But anyhoo, Hair color is a hard decision... Help!!!!

Scary Thoughts

Have you ever just looked outside your window and pictured something way different then what officially sat outside your window? Like in reality you had a plain old street sitting out there, stop signs, cars, maybe just a grassy lawn. But when you stared hard at it, like you were fading into its green abyss you saw something else. Perhaps you saw some strange creature just staring back at you with large yellow eyes and green drool coming from his mouth. You'd laugh and picture something else, fairies just flying close to the window seal and tapping on it wanting you to come out and join them in all the fun. Of course you wouldn't, its just a thought, a wild apparition that you've created on your own. But you'd create some wild things from war, creatures of any shape or size, tsunami's, and maybe even hell. Sitting there with all these wild thoughts flying here from there, then soon having them evaporate to the back of your mind. Its fun isnt it? The fact that your mind can do some fantastic things just freaks you out, make you see stuff all over the place whether you thought of it or not. It automatically does it, just follows you everywhere. Soon you start to freak out, see things in your room that surely cannot be there. You get scared, too scared to go anywhere you think something might pop up and scare you out of your pants. But then you remember, you snap back to reality and know that everything that you are afraid of right now, is all in your mind. You created it, and you can take it away. Just think happy thoughts, rainbows, unicorns, candy, and other things that make you happy. And you do, you imagine all these things and then soon, its all over. Your safe inside your own head, until it starts again.

LifeCycle:)

A maple tree
Simple with its design
Changing with every season
Like the life cycle of humans
It breathes in the heat of summer
The cold of winter
And the fresh air of fall
Standing there aging with the land
Like a child growing to an adult
The tree does not wilt like a flower
In a vase on your table
The tree simply exists
Its leaves soak up the sun
The roots deep in the soil
Hunting for a cool refreshing drink
It turns from a new green
To the color of a Bengal tiger
Then to the color of blood
Changing with every season
As if it were dying its hair
Any color that it pleases
But when the fall hits the roots
The tree stands up tall
Ready for a new color
A new life
Its leaves drift from the branches
To the pale green grass
In the crisp cold of winter
The tree covered in crystal
Leaves holding on for its life
As the cold kills its joy
Till it can grow its maple leaves
And continue on existing
In a land that can breathe
The heat of the summer
The new life in the fall
The cold of the winter

Dear Hopeless Sandpaper

You broke what you had
Your heart left there in pieces
You did that on your own
Not his diseases

The disease of love
Wasn’t ever his fault or yours
It was all false hope
You both ignored

Claiming he’s the problem
Though he tried to make it work
Calling him out on his bluff
Where demons lurk

Tore him to pieces
Ripping his flesh from his bones
You say you’re lost here
When he’s the one alone

You haven’t learned
What you’re feeling he feels
You’re surrounded by bars,
While he lacks a shield

He has grown stronger
Now standing on his own
Look whose calling whose bluff
You’re left to weep and moan

You move guy to guy
Searching for what you left behind
You’re now worn and ugly
While he’s polished and shined

A Wandering Life..

The fog is what wanders here and there bringing sorrow and death. You wouldn’t quite know what would happen when the fog swallowed you up in all its detailed glory. You’d be left there to die with no one around to hear you cry. Your screams, tears, and cries for help are smothered in this smoke-filled stretch of road. You could be in town or out at the end of the street, but the fog will trace your steps until its right there with you. Eating you, swallowing you, and embracing you. It takes what’s left of you and leaves you there to rot, it floats swiftly on by, not leaving a trail, as if it was never there. Of course you’d be lying there, polluted, stained, and suffocated. This fog never meant to hurt you, it only wished for company in its blinding realm. It saunters around like a cat on a wire, smoothly, and elegantly roaming the globe.

It could protect you or kill you, it could cause you to wreck, or hide you from harm. You cant quite run from it, as it does find you eventually, you could be right in the middle of it and not recognize that slight blur that it leaves behind. It could just be there behind you and you wouldn’t dare look back at what looks like a depressed fog. It stalks you for hours on end until its satisfied and done looking at what seems like real life. Its like it wants to be like us its like it wants to be able to walk around and travel, but then it remembers what it is. A fog that hides the trees and mountains upon layer and layer, a wandering blur that traces all the way back in the old years. You wouldn’t quite explain what it was, nor could you feel it, but when you were little it was what held you when you ran into it. As it cradled you, you couldn’t tell where you were or where your mother was. 

You cried and screamed, and again you were with your mother. The fog drifts away and you wave goodbye. And its gone, its off to another country, another place, and another time. Like traveling upon clouds that just float on through the trees, the mountains, sky scrapers, and the space needle. In all its depressing elegance, it will always return to get one last look at what seems like home.

Surrounding Wildlife

Living in Alaska is a whole different view on life. You get to see the real beauty that surrounds you and get to experience something that usually takes thousands of years for someone to experience. Life. Life here goes to the extremes, whales that roam, seals that play, to eagles that soar and bears that growl. But what can you expect, do you get to see any of this anywhere else? Probably but you see a lot more activity here. It’s the good morning that you receive from every type of wildlife. Some people think that its just a normal thing to see, but when they see a killer whale jump or a seal hunting its nothing that you’ve ever seen. Its beauty that takes place on this earth that some really just don’t care about. They’d rather sit at home and watch it on a flat screen t.v. or go tanning which kills. What more can someone want other then to see the beauty of the world and the wildlife that takes place. In Australia you get to see wild kangaroo’s and snakes, in Africa you get to see wilder beasts, lions, zebra, giraffes, cheetas and other great big animals. Cant you see that every where you go there is some sort of beauty you cannot experience anywhere else. Its like changing the channel and watching a different show then the last but your viewing it live.  Ahh, the beauty, the heat of the sun that brings out the eagles and the bears start hibernating. Whales that pass through the current, and the seals that play for pictures; It’s the real beauty that you get to see, so look around and perhaps you will see something no one else has.

       Perhaps you'll get to see a different type of bird, a whale, moose, a duck isnt all that rare but you get to make fun of them quack. I remember when I first saw a whale, a tiger, and many other types of animals. It was at the Point Defiance Zoo in Seattle Washington, talk about totally awesome, if only I had the camera I have now, then, then I couldve taken better pictures, and possibly published them for the zoo's new magazine that was coming out explaining the animals and their names and where they come from. For the kids of course, but I would have made the animals look bomb considering my photography skills now. Yeah, Im bragging, I am one good photographer but Im still working on things. But still, look around, bring your camera everywhere you go, and if you have a huge camera much like myself, buy another one a tad bit smaller then bring both so you can get a series of shots by different lenses. Uh oh, now Im talking about photography. Uhm... Yeah, back to wild life. Love it, hear it, see it, and appreciate it.  (coughs) That is all.. (ahem..) bye.

Murder 'N Weep

What do you suppose a murder scene looks like? Picture your there at a murder, the scene of the crime and a body of a girl from the looks of 16 in 6 pieces. She got massacred but why? The blood oozing out of each and every wound she got, blood and guts spilling out across the cement. Her head lost, nowhere to be found and yet why take her head? Is it some sort of prize for doing what they did? Just a little gift to themselves that they believe they have earned. A little freaky to take someone’s head and mount it on their wall. But you say nothing about it to anyone until you have looked at everything, everywhere. Her blood is still a bit warm when you touch the puddle that rests at your feet. You suspect that it wasn’t long before the call of some random stranger, unknown number, to say that a body was seen at this very place. Was it the killer? You don’t quite know but you investigate further. Her limbs were nice and smoothly cut off and yet her skin looks to be torn.

 The fence that she laid next to was down and the barbed wire was tinted red. Probably from rust but you have them take it back to forensics just to be sure there wasn’t any blood or hand prints upon what looks like a metallic whip. You consider the problem, the girl must have witnessed something or he wanted her. One of the types of killers that wanted the eyes that saw the crime or she fought for herself and got this as treatment. Who knows really, it could be some sick killer and or someone that wanted to get they’re needs taken care of. Sick bastards. While eyeing everything that surrounds you, the pieces of the defenseless young girl, the blood, and the place you found her. Her hands were no help to her now the killer must have tossed them to the side and took off her legs. Then took her head as a sick joke. You light a smoke and stand they’re thinking, you expect there was a lot of rough play seeing as how the fence was knocked down and the brick alley walls had scratches from her fingernails. She tried to climb. The people next door said that they heard light screams but their son’s music was blaring so loud they couldn’t quite tell if it was from his music or outside.

So you took them out of the equation. You notice that the person that lives behind the fence wasn’t home, and the lights were still on. A trail of blood ran from the crime scene to the house that stood there in the dark night with lights as bright as the sun. Struggling with the problem you walk up to the empty house and put out the cigarette you were smoking and headed up to the doorstep. You knocked, of course no ones going to answer seeming as how no one seems to be home. Walking in you noticed that someone had a red stain on the ground and that isn’t ketchup. Taking notes in your small pocket notebook you write down what you see and you hear scuffling in the living room. A thought pops into your head as you head in there, I hope this isn’t the poor bastard that killed the young girl that still laid out there in the alley in pieces. But once you walk in the room you notice that just as you look up from the fireplace, heads were mantled on the wall. Not any normal deer or moose heads but humans. All girls with their mouths elegantly smiling at him and he just seemed to put up the new head, the young girl. She was beautiful, well at least her blue eyes that had splats of her blood in her eyes and on her face. You look at him and the giant grin and blood that stained his face.

You paged the cops that were still in the alleyway to come up here, and when you looked back up he was staring at you. Walking towards you with an axe, and when you screamed just a little, your head was off. Dead to the world you were. You lay there effortlessly, your body lying next to your head. He laughs, looks down at you and smiles when he spoke to your head, “Oh goody, two in one night.”

The Ball Pool Theory

Do you know what a ball pool is? Of course you do. Probably been in one at least once in your lifetime. The giant pool that’s filled with rainbow plastic air-filled balls that surround you once you dive in. Found at one of those Chucky Cheeses restaurants? Yeah, now you understand what I’m throwing at you. Picture one of them, your about to dive in and ready to swim around in its color and when you do its like a giant wave crashing in around you. Your swallowed in a giant mouth of rainbow color, and the thing you suspect the most is when you will stop having fun and then be enveloped in fear. Then imagine your laying at the bottom of the pool, looking up at the balls that just seem to light the area around you so you can see every detail of color. When you see some balls move, you watch as it slowly creeps closer till something touches your leg, you jump and you scream sending every ball around you up in the air. Everything goes black, you witness a hint of light flutter by, no wait, it isn’t light is an eye. Someone or something just seems to be watching you, closely. This irritates you and you think, you think hard.

Madness, People wallowing in every crack of their life they shouldn’t be, making themselves angry at each other, at themselves. You watch as those people, those faceless people fight and harm themselves. Creating a giant wave of death and indecision. You cry and cry and want it to go away until you notice that your learning something. Being taught something and of course you don’t know what. So you shut your eyes and think, think of a place you want to go, a made up place. Your there, at an ice cream parlor trying to down a huge sundae; when you look closely at the sprinkles. They are maggots’ only spray painted different colors. You scream then look again and their gone. Looking up from what you have just witnessed you turn and face the person whom made it for you. He’s not human, nor real but alien. Not green like they say, nor skinny and quiet. Unmoving, just staring at you with his big lemon shaped eyes. You cant help but wonder what he is looking at when he finally smiles and waves then continues on working. Surely this alien must be nice considering the fact he brought you a new sundae

So you leave, vanishing back to the ball pool where you now stare into, waiting and watching for something to be moving. A snake perhaps, maybe just a little lizard. But you wait. What did you learn?

From a lions mouth to the stars in the sky..

Thoughts. They run through our heads like the fishes in the sea. Unlimited they say, no expiration and no hassle. Like a never ending maze, a trail you cant seem to just walk away from because its there. You cant climb over the walls, or the tall trees that form the maze. A labyrinth that traps you there and for what seems like hours you see the view changes. Now your in a tunnel heading for what seems like light and for who seems like people. But its just a picture painted on a wall, just a glimpse of what possibly could've been there. You go to turn around and the view again changes. Changes to a field of grass and scattered daisies. A wonderful sunset that reflects off the lake. How did the lake get there? Its forming lily pads and dragonflies. Do you understand thought? You can wander down Memory Lane literally if you can shape it in your mind. Thoughts of movement, of the trees outside shaking back and forth with the endless wind. Then donuts fall from the sky, pelting people on the head, leaving icing all over the cars that sit out in the open as if relaxing and enjoying a break. People around you fade into creatures, big, dark and mean. Their teeth yellow and sharp as if in a state of coffee slumber and nicotine stains. Big red eyes that follow me like the back lights of cars on the freeway. Then with a snap of your finger tips they are gone. A wave of smoke just drifting by the lake that seems to stand still with elegance until a little frog happens to jump from a lily pad to the water. Lovely I must say. You roll around in the grass that seems to hide you in what looks like a green blanket until your buried in the sand with only your head sticking out. Where you happen to be now is on a beach, a private beach from what it looks like. Your trapped under the layers of sand that hold you down like chains. A dog runs up, a shaggy dog of course with his tongue flapping in the wind while he runs towards you. He starts digging. Did you think him up? Or was he just there? Your out of the sand now. Walking with the dog, and tossing twigs and rocks into the ocean sending the dog you now named Fluffy running into the water and doggy paddling until he found the twig that just so happens to be paperclip sized. You just run into all these things in your mind. You don't know their there until you just start thinking or stare at a blank wall. Pen and paper. You just expect all these things from your mind, but until you start using your imagination there are all these things you can do, can see, can write about. Its the stuff in the back of your mind. Until the view changes and instead of walking up stairs that headed to the stars that seem to be calling out your name in tiny whispers as they race across the sky, your sitting there, breathing nothing but air, your in school or at home. And boom, you realize that wasn't real..
Epic huh?

Dreaming & Being Watched

Dreams. People seem to state that they do not have dreams, when there is a possibility that they do but cannot remember them; Or they don't have dreams because their heads are already working and is too busy thinking of other things. Which brings us to Lack Of Sleep. Lack of sleep is usually because of a busy mind, stress, and sometimes fear. But what people don't know is, why they don't have dreams when their not stressed over other subjects. I have this habit of grinding my teeth in my sleep, but its mainly when I'm dreaming but partially awake. Just sort of the thing that tells my mother that I cannot get any sleep and that I will be exhausted in the morning. Often at times I get a lovely sleep, I know because I had a very realistic dream and got to finish the dream. But sometimes I barely dream, like my mind hardly puts thought into my surroundings and just flashes bits and pieces of the dream here and there only giving me the sense that I might actually be dreaming. It seems complicated doesn't it? But its rather easy to understand the complex system of Dreaming, which in some scientific places people are still working on understanding dreams and how they actually work. Does it have something to do with psychic stuff? Or is it our over-active imagination that gives us de ja vu?

Being Watched. Now, ever get the feeling your being watched? The feeling of someone following you to where ever it is you tended on going? The chill that runs up and down your spine, making you react and turn to look behind you? The feeling that sends you walking towards crowds of people so if something happened to you, people would be there to stop it. I sure have felt that, and I'm sure that you have too. Considering we sort of are being watched, by cops, our family, and everyone that just seems to find an attraction to our lives. Strange isn't it. The feeling that someone else is there with you though you don't quite know who it is, nor actually think that anyone is there. Its not so much as people actually being there, but the thought of something bad happening to us, what we would do in the situation. Thousands of questions filter into our minds letting us know that yes, someone could be following you, and yes, there is a possibility that you just might end up freaking out over nothing. Its just the feeling of eyes on you, like when you walk into a room that's filled with people and when you walk in, people just stare at you and watch you. The feeling that makes you say sorry and get hot flashes for being loud in a silenced room. Just the fear and the feeling that one day, you just might peak over your shoulder, then BAM!! Your in a situation you've been fearing, a situation you cannot get out of.


Fox Says: I chose to write about these two subjects because its something that we always do every day. You cannot say that you haven't once looked behind you and thought someone was following you, or you haven't once had a dream because you were stressed. Its just the two things that come and go during our lives. Dreams is a heavy subject for people, between realizing that they had a dream about the future or something funny or fearful, or they haven't had any dreams at all. And sometimes when it comes to believing you have someone that's watching you closely, like your being hovered over with a giant magnifying glass Its just something you have to talk about sometimes. Its just that tingly feeling we get, the sense of fear and trouble hitting us one day that gets us all pumped and ready for action. You know?

Attempt at rappin'

NATURE

By: Mariah Deanda

Put your hands in the air

If you know what I mean

Flying high in the sky

And floating with the sea

 

Can you see the delight

In all of your possibilities

Swaying like the branches

Or rocking like trees

Feel the earth 

With your soul and feet

Wandering with the wind

And strolling down the street

Listen to all the sounds

And perhaps you'll learn

From babies crying 

And those who want to be heard

Look at the faces

Who walk on by

The expressions of struggle

And the ones who cry

The illness of the people

Suffocates earth's beauty

With drugs, alcohol

And death in the community

Raise your hands high

If you know beauty is here

Wave your hands around

And grasp the luxury of air

See our earth
As the mother of all

She holds us up 

And awaits our call

This was my attempt at rapping, obviously its a little off of a beat. But its okay because I got to stay what I wanted. Isnt that the beauty of writing, I can say what ever I want. The beauty of earth is often unknown by people who just see what they'd like. The detailed mountains and the clouds hovering just a little above them. The way you can just see the water at different angles, beneath, above, and how you can touch it. You'd think more people would notice the beauty of this planet that is keeping us alive. The danger that we have put onto this earth, and the danger that just so happens to be killing us. And sometimes we need to know someone else is there, something is there to guide us and that they will be there to comfort us. Like the rain, people tend to walk and cry in the rain and it makes them feel better, the sun makes people get outside and have fun, the lightning and thunder let us listen and watch and pay attention to it and where it goes, and the wind pushes us along so we arnt alone. Its just everything that we have on this earth, the trees, the branches, the grass, the cement, and the water, the soil. Its everything we are apart of. We are apart of such a larger thing, and what we cant see is how beautiful it is. Should be a sin not to know what lies out there. But that is what I was trying to express in this poem/attempt of rapping. Hahaha. Yeah