Undeniable Me

Undeniable

By: Mariah Deanda (Me)

May I make this very clear
Though I may be sweet and Kind
Demons haunt my dreary past
A mask I tend to hide behind

Illustrated on my heart
A scary story I like to hide
Kept from people, friends and lovers
Some may see what lies inside

Emotion has its special strength
On me it tends to bruise
Though I try so hard to fight
Im often weak, and lose

Love is easy for me to give
But taking it back is a pain
Others put my heart in a box
So hatred and sorrow remain

I once had a true love
Lost in the past and stuck
Permanent angel in my eyes
But gone, that’s my luck

In the new I appear
As stronger and content
Don’t make me angry or upset
Ill take it to an extent

Made happy by the little things
and doing my best to try
On and on, I keep going
Until the day I die

What Fox Thinks About Her Poem::;;

I wrote this on a day that I had to prove something to myself. A day people call Monday, and I call dread. Its kind of a habit to blame my attitude on the day and not the people or the things people call excuses. Id much rather explain in it writing, or typing. Which ever one comes first to my hand, so that either my fingers can let go, or my wrist can control. I underestimate myself, and sometimes get judged by those around me; suchas teachers, students, family or friends. But only a few really know me and this is what they should see. (points to poem)

They should see that just because I'm happy and whatnot during the day, doesnt mean that I come from a happy past. Memories drain me and when people ask me if Im okay, when Im not kind of stresses me out. Cause it proves to me that you really dont quite know whats up with my life, and who takes part in my emotions. They should also know that whether they can read it or not, my story, my life; and know every little bit of me. Often at times, I get heart broken, used, and abused but who doesnt. In the poem I just explained how I feel, and how I take being heartbroken to a new level.

(Shrugs)

I dont know if you will fully comprehend the title or the poem itself, but surely you must have an idea. Everything you do starts with an idea, and your  mind controls those ideas and makes them explode in your prefrontal lobe and bam!! Your set for the day. 

...Hypocrite

Turn around and slap my cheek

Seem so tough but oh so weak

You tell me I’m not good enough

Someone that doesn’t deserve your love

Sit right down and talk to me

Give reasons why we cant be

Look right into my plain eyes

As I fight through all your lies

Contemplate what your to do

Thinking how you get through

Your wasted days and pondering

Why you dared push me into the rain

Lets pretend that this never happened

Whatever mistakes we made while campin’

Would I still be such a pity friend?

Would I still be left in the wind?

Is it yes that your about to say

So you had to wait until today

To confront me about the honest truth

While your sitting there being a hypocrite?

Here I stand in a broken pile

Willing to walk a thousand miles

Yet apparently I wasnt worth it

I had my chance and I missed it

Come on and beat me senseless

Tell me why our friendship didn’t last

Friends used to last forever

Destined to always stick together

Do you honestly have no couth?

Here I happened to tell the truth.

And you disowned me from your life

Cause I stepped in front of your knife?

Telling people that I spread rumors

When your doing all the dirty deeds

Filling peoples minds with fake love

Making you look like a golden dove.

Truth is you lie, and your not strong

You make it seem like you aren’t wrong

Having people take your side

When they don’t know who is right.

You really cant take blows to the head

Strength of yours is often misread

Came to me with tons of problems

Asked me to help you solve them.

I did my best and you turned me down

Here I bleed upon the ground

Waiting, watching, hearing, knowing

That inside your head I’m growing

So lets pretend that I don’t exist

Since I know that I wont be missed

I get treated badly by everyone

I hope you cough up a lung.

What Fox has to say about the poem..

   Its amazing how people treat one another day after day. I wrote this about an Ex-Friend, a guy that was always around to help me and I was there to help him. But he took advantage of that then tossed me out the door like the type of person that puts a box of kittens on the side of the highway. Its retarded and I honestly cannot say anything else other then that. I have to say, I do doubt my friends and sure we have our differences but I wouldnt ever disown anyone over soemthing so small like what happened to me and him..

I was angry and surely you would be too if he did the exact thing he did to me, to you. All of us are no different though, mistreating everyone we dont believe are cool, or nice, or just normal. Everyone has their own problems, and he has plenty. This poem spoke from my heart, though I tried .. AND HE FAILED.

SNOW!!



SNOWWWWW!!!!!!

Did you know that Im a writer? Heh, I wrote this poem!!

All by mahself!

Snow.
Its white crystal shimmer,
and its cold winter whisper.
The delicate touch of white,
and its flash of warm light.

Snow.
It’s as soft as a rabbit,
and its a December habit.
The icicles clear and new,
and friends throwing snowballs at you.

Snow.
It seems Jack Frost came here,
and people spreading Christmas cheer.
The Christmas lights hung and bright,
And snowflakes falling, what a sight.

Snow.
Its beauty on the mountaintops,
And decorations in all the shops.
Santa walking and greeting kids,
And parents buying Christmas gifts.

Snow.
Its sound so quiet and imaginary,
And the winter chill so ordinary.
The white beauty elusively divine,
And oh, will you be mine?

What Fox Has To Say About The Poem::

Sometimes, I wonder if people really write like I do. Talking about snow, and life and many different things. But not only that I know I force rhymes here and there. But who doesnt, and in reality, snow is beautiful. Though it does get annoying pretty fast, with the ice and slipping, not only that but with it below freezing. Alaska, it wont ever change. So I decided to write a poem about snow since its coming alot faster now that its further in December. Towards the end, you've noticed that I wrote will you be mine? Well that was towards someone that I like and though they may never see this or the poem that I wrote and printed out, Its a small question that I have asked him mentally many times. Though, It shall never work...

A Strange Dream..

Sometimes, I have the strangest dreams. Between raging river rafting, to being swalllowed by a lion and soon flying with the stars. But sometimes, I dream of the future, the native that I am is in fact the Dreamer. I am of my mothers native heritage, and I am indeed a see-er. Often at times, I get scared at what I see, not quite knowing if it will happen or not, and most of the time what I dream somewhat happens in its own naturistic way. Take last night for instance, I had a dream that me, my mother and a good friend were going on a trip for a few days just to get out of town. And during the time that we were gone, everyone had rearanged. The cliques were different, people hated certain people and sometimes got hurt. In the process of dreaming, my mother said that I was crying and yelling 'We have to go back!' over and over again. Scary right? Well while we were gone, in my dream of course, we were traveling and seeing new beauties. The Roman artifacts, the egyptian book of the dead and of the living. We went everywhere, but thats not what shocked me. It was when we got back from our trip that something happened, that really happened as well. Like a glimpse of the future. Though people might call, 'De Ja Vu' and think that it was just a thing everyone does. Just dream a dream that actually happened. When we got back from the trip, I realized that I got a really bad vibe when going home. Knowing, no one will be at the house, and the door would be locked.


             It happened. But of course, I climbed through the window to get in, when in my dream I violently kicked the door down and yelled Honey Im home. I have odd occurances, sometimes they are just little things, like placing an object somewhere or saying something I must've said before but really didnt, and often what happens during the day. So when people hear me say 'woah, I swear that just happened already.. ' and my friends chuckle and say 'De ja vu' Mariah. And I just laugh. Ever watched Singing In The Rain? You should, only because its awesome and almost every song in that movie is in my dreams. Its fun to see what you are going to do, who your going to see, and what your saying in a dream before it happens. Sort of a replay, like your supposed to change something, and thats why you noticed dejavu. There are alot of theorys of dreaming the future, dejavu, and just being psyhic. Though, when you know, you know. Haha!

Weeping Willow

Why do you weep my dear Willow?
Although your branches stretch so high,
And your leaves tangle towards the sky.
I often stop to ponder why,
Your intentions refuse to show?

Why do you weep lovely Willow?
Dont lie; I feel it in your bark.
decades of sorrow left their mark,
Suggesting tortures beyond dark,
Leaving scars wide for time to sew.

Why do you we3ep my friend Willow?
As a lonely alcoholic,
Do you think of life too nostalgic.
Is nothing to you harmonic?
Or is it your strength in roots below?

Why do you weep darling Willow?
Remember this promise I send,
Until the day your weeping ends,
I will cry with you, my dear friend.
Perched atop you, a friend unknown.


What Fox has to say:

 Again this poem is about my mother, and how she lived in the past. Describing all the past beatings shes endured and all the pain that she can feel. A weeping willow always just seems to fit my mother, you can tell by her long dark black and white hair, soft as a Willows leaves and she stands aged, you can tell by the look on her face that she crys nonstop about anything and everything. She once told me that all her scars were never sewn in time, she was never healed and nothing made her life better. Except me. The one who always checks and makes sure shes okay, and the one who watches her with out her knowing. Making sure shes always okay, and making a note of how she feels everyday. This poem talks alot about her past and her pain, and Im glad I captured that in this poem.

Take Me Home

Take me home to where the wolf awaits,
The lone figure in the dark night.
Waiting for me to lay my head
Protecting me in the shadow's light.

Take me away no I've paid my debts,
Away from this place tucked into the woods.
I want to stand beside the great wolf
And lay my weary head to rest.

I want to sleep the sleep of the child
Next to the wolf of the sea.
I want to be the shadow of trees
To hide the great wolf of the sea.

Take me home to where the wolf awaits
With a lunar howl and a stellar bite.
Chasing away bad memories,
So I never have to sleep in fright.
Because I want to sleep the sleep of that child
Shadowed by the great wolf of the sea.




What Fox Has to Say about her poem:

    I wrote that in a stray moment of time when my mother seemed like my guardian. A wolf that protects me from anything that brings fear. My mother is in fact that wolf, the one who watches over my existance so I may sleep as peaceful as can be. She does have a bad side though, in fact I talked about that in the poem, Her stellar bite. I talk about how I have done what she wanted me to do, 'paid my debts' and in logic, I worked my way to being hidden in her shadow.. Yet still watching her as well. To be able to sleep comfortably knowing that my mother is always going to be there for me. My moms a Cancer, its her sign. So I called her the Wolf Of The Sea... :D

My Own Little Kit

How would You, Thats right, YOU, Like to have a pet fox?

I know I would.



Lately I have been getting the urge to get an animal. Not of any sort, but one that would live a halfway decent life with me, where ever I go. And I have found that animal. Recently I have came across this site called Redmon Fox and have noticed that they breed and sell fox. Of two different kinds too, both Calico Fox, and Red Fox (Vulpes Vulpes). Me of course, being the simple girl I am, loves the normality and the simplicity of the Red Fox. This site told me that they will breed these foxes and sell the kits for only $600. But the only problem is getting them, you see, they live in Ohio. Which is quite a bit aways from where I live, Alaska, and in order for me to actually buy one, and bring it home with me, is in fact that. I have to fly down there, buy one, and fly back with my new kit fox! To me that sounds fairly easy, I could buy a round trip ticket from here to there, with both the money for the fox, the shots, and the carrier and get it all done in the time that I get there, and without a doubt bring my kit fox home with me. I must get my kit fox within 4-6 weeks old so that I may bond with it, and the time that I do that will build my relationship with my new friend. Fox are a social animal, but again still have its fears and doubts. If I am to do this, which I do plan on so, I will be able to be there in time after they are born and bring one back before my birthday. They will be born sometime in April, which will give me enough time to work my hardest to get one and bring one home. This man is legit, who ever owns the farm which is in fact, two brothers.

     Now, the problem with bringing my pet fox, back home with me, it must have its shots, be microchipped, and of course, be healthy. I had to read all about how to raise, and take care of the fox as well. Not only that but the fact that I had to look up the state laws of whether I could or not, own a fox. I can, but, it must have everything it needs, and then Im in the green. It seems easy, and I plan on taking my pet everywhere with me, no matter what people say. Yes, this site is legit, and they are doing all they can to make sure the foxes are going to a good home, so the first thing they are going to do when you ask about adopting, is talking you out of it. I have been emailing one of the brothers and have been asking a lot of questions, and thankfully I get answers rather quick. They have the license to breed and sell these fox, so its not exactly an issue with the law. No, You dont need to have a license to own one, you just have to make sure your ready for the responciblity. People say Im nuts for actually doing it, for doing all I can just to get a fox. And I know its not something that you hear everyday, "Oy, Im gunna adopt a fox!" But what I do know is that I am doing this for myself, I am doing this so I may learn a little bit more about responciblity and loving an animal for its beauty and care. The way a mother nurses a child, this fox will be My baby and I will take care of it with every fiber of me.

        Of course, This is going to make me grow up a bit more. I will be getting a job and I plan on working my buttocks off so I could do this. I already have 500 dollars saved up so I only need only a few more bucks. Im doing good on this, and I am putting all the time I can, WHILE getting work done. I believe in myself, wanna help me? :D