My Body Image

Lately I’ve been thinking of what to do about my weight. I weigh 160 pounds and I am only 5’9”, which some say my weight is good for my height. I just don’t believe that I’m skinny. I have negative body image, which is a distorted perception of my shape, and I am convinced that only other people are attractive and that my body size or shape is a sign of complete failure. Yes, I do feel ashamed and self-conscious of my body. I am ‘okay’, but id really like to lose some weight to fit other people’s standards. I guess you can say that I feel uncomfortable and awkward in my body. Sometimes if I feel fat enough, I don’t eat anything, my appetite changes a lot and my stomach shrinks so I don’t have to eat as much. I figured out that people with a negative body image have a greater likelihood of developing an eating disorder, and I probably apply for that too. I do suffer from feelings of depression, isolation (only sometimes), and low self-esteem. 

People say all I need to do is eat healthy or exercise but, the eating part is something I am failing at. Sometimes when I am having a good day I have a positive body image. I feel proud and I accepted the fact that I can’t be perfect for anybody but myself. But I barely eat anymore, and exercise is hard to do alone. Its like telling someone to figure it out on their own. My body image is forever changing, just like everyone else’s. It is sensitive to our mood swings, physical environment, and our experiences. I’d much rather just take diet pills or something fast and easy. Friends tell me that they aren’t healthy for your body system and others warn me and tell me just not to take them or look for them. My mom tells me I am gaining a little bit too much weight, and so I refrain from eating too many meals a day or not at all. Sometimes if I say I’m not hungry she asks me if I am taking diet pills and acts all worried. Sometimes I say “I Wish” And she freaks out on me and tells me not to think that way. 

But to be honest, diet pills seem faster. I mean look at all those commercials; every woman that takes them looks great after like 3 weeks! So they deceive me and make me feel ugly, fat, and uncomfortable. I think I just need to have a body trainer live with me and keep an eye on what I do and what I eat so I can get in shape. Or I can just go to TNA (Workout center) or the rec-center to work out 3 times a week. Only Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. Sounds easy right? But motivation is what I lack right now, no self-confidence what so ever. NO help from anyone either, just comments that make me sigh and say “Well that sure makes me feel good…” My guy friends tell me I’m hot when I complain about my weight or tell me that I’m fine, but I ignore their comments because I believe I could look way better then I already do. Every time I look in the mirror, I suck in my gut and turn to the side and I look great, but when I let it out, its like BAM! Fatty McFat Fat. People say that mirrors don’t lie but women’s perceptions of their bodies fluctuate dramatically, But I’m okay. Just a bit chubby, and I’m sure I could change. I just need to be a little more confident in myself because I know no ones going to do it for me. I need to believe in myself, and sooner or later I will feel comfortable in my body, and soon love what I look like!

Have a body Image problem? Only for now…