A Single Struggle

My struggle, My salvation

To me, a struggle is just a little spiderweb. You can either avoid it or fly right into it; get stuck there or demolish it. I cant seem to avoid my struggles, they are constant and never fully demolished. They lay there in the background just waiting for me to retrace my steps and go through it all over again. People say that a struggle is just a small step to becoming both stronger and smarter, and some say that its just something you have to deal with until the day you die. Your heart and your brain will always get you into something you probably didnt mean to get into in the first place. But that doesnt stop you from doing it, now does it? I suppose everyone needs to get a little Jimminey Cricket to teach them right from wrong.

We all choose a certain path, and often at times we engrave stuff into it, whether its distant memories, curses of bad luck, broken hearts, and plenty more. My path is certainly screwed to the max, as how I just continuously just dug into it, carving names of ex- lovers into its soil, putting small puddles of blood, barrying brokenhearts, and planting memories that just seem to stretch their roots all the way to the end of my way. I cant quite say that my path has lead me to the destination I really wanted to go, but I can say that even though it seems bruised I have certaintly learned alot. I have learned about boys/guys, I have learned about heartbreak and devistation. I've learned about memories that seem to never end and people that can never escape your grasp.

Surely we all learn something from what we do or dont do, we penitrate the laws of science and end up doing things we thought were impossible. I struggle here and there with the distant relationships between heartbreak and true love, I also struggle with the relationship between me and my mother and plenty of others I should most-likely spend a whole lot more time with then the people that I do. I am sitting in a place where I am doomed to review my flaws, my problems and of course my struggles. To face them with the exact reflection as how they look at me; and to also push them aside or at least doom them to a whole other area of my brain. I tell them to go away, I fight them, and of course try to forget them. Which in the end isnt the brightest idea in the world, now is it?

But of course there isnt an easy way to solve my problems, and it does take time to fully turn my problems away and create a new, perhaps better path. I try my best to concentrate, and to be stronger then I usually am; it takes practice and it also takes alot of personal strength. Some people believe if they have enough love in their life, or true best friends, good parents and some other 'awesome' and 'true' relations that they would be able to use others' strength instead of their own to take care of their problems. Or just ignore the fact they are in a struggle and just keep on doing what ever it was they were doing to get there in the first place.

Sometimes we have to take some drastic measures to be able to compensate for what we have done so far in our lives. And often we cannot avoid what we do, where we come from, and how we got here. No excuses could be used in trying to become better people or even seen as better people. You have to absolutely face your problems and you cannot turn away from whatever it is that you are going through or whatever web you have flew into. Its not a whole 'passing through' sort of thing, its an everyday thing where you have a struggle and you get stuck there for longer then perhaps 6 months. But you put up with it untill you become stronger and are willing to look your problems in the face and go BOO!

Im working on my struggles, because in the end, only I can save myself.

Some Days I Walk...

Title: Once Used
Taken: Up the street from Juds Office Supply
Style: Old Fashioned and Winterized

About:  I took this picture when I was walking the most stubbornest dog in the world. Sticks its nose in everything I swear, but anyways. I found a great interest in this ladder, considering it was used to its full extent and the wood was beautifully molded. The way the ladder steps were made just added a great antique mood to this ladder. I took this picture because of the lighting, the contrast and of course the texture in the wood. Isnt it a great photo?


Taken by: Mariah Deanda

Title: Red Stairs
Taken: Up the street from Juds Office Supply
Style: Film and Saturation

About: These stairs are my favorite in this entire town. Out of all the places that you could find really cool stairs, that you could use for portraits and some really cool fashion photography shots, I found them here! I enjoyed the fact that the entire house looks like there was an old fire to it, so everything had a smokey burnt type of look. The wood had texture and great lines in it, not only that but bright red stairs! I would enjoy taking some portraits here of someone, it seems so old and the simplicity to the main stairs is just great!!!


Taken by: Mariah Deanda

Title: Walking on the Edge of the Cliff
Taken: On Water st./ Edge Cliff way
Style: Old film, Sepia and shadowy

About: What really caught my eye about this specific sign is that it reminded me of how some people live their ife. They walk on the edge of the cliff, taking chances and right below them is waves crashing into the cliff. People live on the edge, and tell themselves 'Hey I wont fall, Im too good for that' but sooner or later they will land into the freezing cold water. I also just liked the sign and the empty yet crowded area that was. 




Taken By: Mariah Deanda

Title: What-a-bug!
Taken: On Water Street
Style: Old fashioned and focal focus

About: I took this picture because of the antique look the bug gave to the bridge. It reflected the mountains and the water, and hardly any buildings. Sort of just emptiness, and its pretty neat how the bug just sits there. The bug looked like it hasent moved for ages, and it aged along with the railing of the bridge and its surroundings. Its just a really cool shot and I enjoyed knowing that I took this picture.



Taken By: Mariah Deanda

Soo Tired..

Lately I have been feeling really really tired, cant sleep, bad dreams, and rather uncomfortable. Perhaps its all the stress in my life, but its making me very irritable so I just end up getting angry and a little depressed. Its natural to get stressed out in situations that take sleep away from you. Say you just got off work but you have a whole bunch of things to do before you hit the hay, or perhaps you just woke up and yet you have to wake up with the snap of your fingers but just cant. Or maybe you have a whole lot on your plate and alot on your mind that you have to deal with that when you hit the sheets you wake up from a nightmare about the things that rest there in the back of your mind or right in front of your eyes? Its understand able to be stressed, tired, and irratable. You cant help it, but you can stop it from taking your sleep away. The past few nights I havent been getting sleep at all, due to the fact that I am trying to rearrange my life style and the people that I hang out with. Just the daily problems alone put me in a fix, and the extreme ones just wear me out.

Sleep deprivation isnt good, expecially when your on the verge of breaking down and exploding. Like plenty of other sleep deprived human beings, I have the tendancy to get angry fast, and or have anger management problems. Though I try to get sleep and do all I can to get comfortable something just ends up jolting me awake in the middle of the night. Whether I am just constantly thinking of solutions for problems, or imagining the problems expanding into more detailed problems, or having a nightmare that ends up killing me or taking me to another planet. I often dont have the time to sit there and listen to plenty of ways to get the stuff off my mind and it just puts more strain on the subject. People say that if you talk about it with someone that they could possibly give you a chance to just get it off your chest and deal with it another time. They could possibly give you advice that might work or might not, or just have you ignore it and focus on other things.

For me, it doesnt work. All the thoughts and all the problems that I am trying to solve in my head turn upside down and end up getting worse. Talking about it just makes me angry, no matter the subject because when I start talking the people instantly state something that they think would get me to calm down about it. That or it stays there in the back of my mind pushing past problems or new problems to the front of my brain for me to focus on which also tears me to shreds. Nightmares are a big problem for me and no matter how I try to sleep, or if I am as comfortable as I can be I just end up waking up in a sweat, or break out, or even just stay awake for the rest of the night. Like last night I had a nightmare bout getting ran over by a truck that sent me a jolt, woke me up, and I cried. Not the best way to wake up expecially when its like midnight. Either way there was really nothing that could help me.

I am very tired and no matter how I try to fix things I just end up getting more and more stressed and more and more sleep deprived. I get tired really fast now, and I cant seem to keep energized and for me that is a problem. Usually I am bouncing off the walls like a maniac but I cant anymore. I get tired around noon now and no matter if I eat healthy, go to bed early, or excersize, I just cant seem to be hardwired the way I should be. Hopefully sooner or later I will solve all the problems I have made or that others have given me and get the best sleep in the world. Who knows maybe Ill sleep for an entire year due to all the stress I have on my plate. It aint delicicous.

Valentine

The eyes to a new world,

Passionate and filled with wonderous ventures.

No empty abyss or darkened rooms,

I could spend my life lost in your eyes.

A smile that sends chills down my back,

A warmth of truth and care.

Perfection you contain in natural beauty,

I can stare at you for centuries.

Your skin warm to the softest touch,

Like the sun blanketed in the clouds.

Arms strong from the weight of life,

Yet you lift me up like I'm but a feather.

The heart of a champion lover,

Encoded with a language I seek to know.

With you I leave my broken heart to mend,

And yours I'll always cherish.

A voice that echoes my head,

Like a lullaby your words are charmed.

I never want to leave you strong embrace,

That holds me closer to your soul.

I worry of loosing such a beautiful love,

Your all that I choose to adore.

Letting go of gravity a shield I've broken,

You've taught me to believe in love again.

Exquisite to my eyes, my heart and lonely soul,

You have traveled miles and empty miles.

A wanderer in hopes to find something new,

Im glad I am worth so much to you.

You are my love as Juliet loved Romeo,

They lived and died for eachother.

Ill fight for you and do all I can,

Because true love, Im in love with you.

What Fox has to say about her poem::

    This poem is simple a statement of my heart and how I feel. I cant really explain the subject, nor tell you and explain things to you. Though he is just a friend now, my feelings for him are fading, and I wanted to explain that to him. But now, I have no need for it, and I do not care right now. You cannot live without having loved.

Fashion Photography

Ready to see my two top favorite

Fashion Photographers? 

(Fashion by Lady Gaga is metaphorically playing)

RAYA

PHOTOGRAPHER

DIRECTOR

fashion/beauty

(website) 

Raya was born in Israel, worked 10 years in Paris and is now based in New York. 

You need to understand how fashion works; you need to find your style.
It's about combination of what you love and what fashion is.
A photo has to be strong and tell you a story;
I love so much to imagines a new stories.
It can be funny, sexy or glamour, it has to catch the eye.

__________________________________________________________________________________

James Hickey
PHOTOGRAPHER
FASHION AND BEAUTY
(Website)

Professional Los Angeles photographer James Hickey creates artistic fashion and lifestyle images with unique style. These are often identified with vivid color, and expression. The images tell stories and ideas of people who are full of beauty and life. 

________________________________________________________________________________

What Fox says about her favorite photographers::

           Raya: I love the work that this photographer does. Its always so creative and simple, and like Raya says, her pictures tell a story. To many you will know the story by heart but you have to analyze the photo to get anywhere with understanding the beauty of it. Most people just skim through their magizines not really seeing the power in every modeling photo they have thrown so much into. 

          James:James has a way with color and showing vivid lines and designs and I am really glad that there are photographers that will take the time to control everything so it doesnt look so.. bad?? He can be very creative and has very beautiful models work for him. Ahh, If only I could do work like him!

 

A Teens Reputation

Above: The movie Easy A+  shows good points when it comes to having a good or a bad reputation.

Watch it, maybe your kids will learn something from it. :)

They say that when your teen is associated with a certain kind of group, that they do the exact same things as everyone else in that clique. Sometimes its true, but 8 times out of 10, your wrong.

Lets be honest, to alot of teenagers reputation is everything. Expecially when they are in high school and will do anything to become 'popular'. But often times, teenagers hang out with a certain clique that addresses their specific style, taste, or just because they are good friends. We all know that friendships and relationships dont last when in high school, but it is nice to make the most of your four years of still being a kid. At this time, its a way to grow up and also a way to figure out who you are and where you will be placed when judged. Reputation is the opinion of the group of entities towards a person or a different group of people. The main things that come up in high school and reputation is social status, the way you look, your online status, education and identity. Reputation is the result of what you do, what you say, and what people say about you, and people take that way to seriously. 

In the past, when I was in middle school I was a bit of a nobody. I ate alone, talked to few people, did what I had to do then left and went home. I was considered a nerd, and when I stepped into Junior high, I was called goth, emo, and a vampire. The other kids judged me by the way I dressed, how I did my hair, my makeup, and the people I hung out with. I talked to 'skaters', 'goths' and 'emos' so they instantly thought I was each and every one of those things. Though I was emotional but its part of being human, I did skateboard but I was better then the boys at that school, and I do love black but its just a color. Its like the preps that love pink, or light blue, maybe even white. Whenever I called them out on labeling me and thinking I did everything my friends did, they didnt know what to say and put up their fists. What ended up happening is I kicked their butts, broke their arms, their noses, their nails that they just got french tipped, and always made sure they didnt mess with me again. Yeah, I ended up in juvie, I spent alot of time in anger management classes but I was just starting to grow into my muscles and the stress of reputation. Later on in life, I figured out the reasons why people thought the way they did back then, and noticed that not only they thought I was but the adults did too. Beating the other students up didnt help my rep either, so I learned a whole lot of things. Now, when it came to stepping foot in high school, I already knew everyone and everyone already knew me. They couldnt say much but realized I changed, with in the ages of 14 and up I have tried every drug, any choice of alcohol and done every thing you could think of (cutting, skating, drawing, reading etc.) So my reputation was put on a new scale of things when I became a freshman. Again called 'emo', 'bookworm', 'gothic', 'scary', 'a freak', and now 'scene'. To everyone in that school, I was a threat and a problem. So they were going to treat me a whole different way then they treat the other students that they grew to label and throw into groups they thought appropriate. Teachers looked at me only from a student stand point but often got into the labeling I dealed with and too threw me in a group they believed was good for me. I was never one to just stay in one group, so they were confused, they saw that I was not just one thing but a whole list of crude names and labels. But its only because I talked to everyone, I talked to the goths, the emos, the preps (even though they are really annoying), the druggies, the partiers, the jocks, the skaters, and the scenes (which is a group of only two people). So when they got to know me, they no longer labeled me but gave me the reputation one should have. After a while, I started hanging out with one group more then the others, lost interest in the other people that just blurred by me when I see them here or there. So they thought I was in one clique, that did the worst things possible. Adults started to think less and less of me, until I realized what the community saw when they noticed I was hanging out with what they called, the wrong group of people. 

To me reputation is a stand point, where us teens can grow to know who we are. Not to get used to where we were put but to make ourselves for us, not for others. You know? Sure I hang out with older kids that do drugs, drive, drink, and do the worst things possible but it doesnt mean I do the same things they do. Seems that way, but its not correct. I hang out with those types of people in hopes to learn something, I have changed groups so often that I learn new things about myself. I have a big heart so I care about everyone, to an extent to where I am not labeled like they are but distinctively known as a friend. We are all growing up in a world where eyes are always on us, either online, or at home, at school or in the community. What we do now effects everyone and some have yet to understand that. I have learned that all the people I hang out with have flaws, struggles, and do things they regret. But its apart of life and we are learning to adapt ourselves to this world, so that when we are on our own we dont judge every single person that walks on by. People that were born back in the day probably didnt get labeled as much as we do, sure they were really into themselvese but look at us. 

We hang out with people that can see the world the same way as one another, or come from broken homes, do drugs, drink, like to get in fights for the heck of it, teens that skateboard, or into fashion, like the same clothing labels as eachother or who think the same way. We live in a state of mind where we are all thats left, and we are the start of a new generation. So what we do effects everyone and more people/kids/and teens need to understand that. I do, but it took me a long time to really grasp the effect that hanging out with adults, or older teens, or druggies etc etc, looked from the eyes of the community. What we dont know is that everything we do has an effect on companys, stores, and mainly people. 

Reputation has its ups and downs, good and bad, rights and wrongs. But not everything has a bad side, and not everything has a good side. Listen to what your teenager has to say about the type of people they hang out with, and why they do. Its not always because they do the same things as each other, sometimes its because we try to help one another. 

 

Travel Countdown Finale!!!

So in the end the last places I would intend on traveling to,

to enjoy the history and the natural beauty of the land are;;

England: (4)

London England, the one place where Big Ben stands tall and where the people there are absolutely beautiful with their accents, history and faces. Not one time have I ever found a reason not to go there and I plan on keeping it that way. Its already the countries most largest city. Not only that but in its history, it was founded by romans whom called it Londinium. I bet you didnt know that it is the worlds most largest financial centre along side New York. Mhm, thats right.  The experience of visiting there would be so outstanding that I would most likely want to live there.

Rome and Greece: (3)

Rome, whats not to like? The ancient artifacts, the statues that remind us of the past happenings. Cathedrals, and art museums. When it comes down to it, this is the most beautiful place in the world. Greece too, because of the Greek Gods and Godesses. If I were to visit either place, I would be stuck because I wouldnt ever want to leave!

Las Vegas: (2)  

Ah, more bright lights, casino's, raves, open parties, party people and little minatures of the seven wonders of the world! (not WonderBread though.. too bad ha ha) But of course Id have to be 21 or older to actually spend any time there or have any real fun. I mean really, who wouldnt want to reinact the movie The Hangover? Ha ha ha, it would be a wonderful place for photography with all the beautiful and modern structures. Whoo!!! 

Arizona: (1)

My home state 

The place I was born, and the first step into life.

For me, visiting Arizona would be a blast, I would get to find family members that hopefully are still alive. Maybe even visit the homes I have lived in, ages ago. The grocerie store where I slapped my mom cause she didnt get me candy, or the swimming pool where I would have a blast. Perhaps the grassy fields that I would get chased around by a flock of geese cause I didnt want to give them the bread I was holding on to for life.  All in all, I would love to go there and relive the years I was young and just have a blast.

Within my time of life, I would enjoy so much to travel to all the places I have just told you. Yup, but first I HAVE to finish high school so that where ever I go; I dont have to worry about getting stuff done for school and can focus on my Photography and the world. 

Oh yeah!!!